


three

by cloudwisp



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Has OCD, M/M, Mental Illness, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Panic Attacks, Trans Man Levi, Written By Someone With OCD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 13:04:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13524855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudwisp/pseuds/cloudwisp
Summary: One two three, one two three, one two three ..A collection of drabbles involving how Levi and Eren cope with Levi's OCD(Written by someone with OCD)





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> levi always has some form of ocd in most fics? so i thought i'd write one myself and give levi all of my own compulsions, lucky levi!
> 
> like i said in the tags, i have ocd myself and it has ruined my life completely at points - i'm in the process of getting treatment though! the intention of this fic is not to romanticise pcd, but look at how a relationship can work around it.
> 
> this fic is called three because my own ocd number is three, so i gave that to levi also. there's nothing nicer than completing a compulsion in three sets of three. this fic will include lots of counting, so if your ocd can be triggered by numbers and counting please stay clear of this!
> 
> i was inspired to write this because of a short film called ["seven"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJHLdFff80w&), it's so cute ..
> 
> eren is in his late 20s in this fic, i don't support the shipping of minors and adults at all

They stand in the carpeted hallway as Eren locks the door and Levi watches him carefully as he does so.

He removes the key from the door and pockets it before he lifts his hand to the knob once again, twisting the handle three times, movements purposeful and precise. He twists three times more. And then an extra three follow.

Levi breathes out deeply and Eren looks to him, satisfied with his work, but the question in his furrowed brows and watchful green eyes is evident: _okay_? Levi nods softly, _okay_.

Eren grins in response, a bright expression full of crooked teeth and chapped lips. He holds out one tan hand, fingers splayed and palm upwards. Levi reaches into his own pocket to produce the bottle of hand sanitiser he never leaves the house without and squeezes a glob into the waiting hand. Eren rubs his hands together, quick but thorough.

The smell is strong between them and the alcohol burns at the back of Levi's throat, he likes it regardless. It smells of tension leaving his shoulders and the steadying of thoughts that seem to never quiet.

Eren reaches back out towards him once done and wiggles his fingers, Levi accepts the offered hand and Eren immediately attaches himself to the shorter male's side. Levi finds himself incredibly thankful for the added warmth in the biting winter air.

As they walk away from their apartment, hand in hand, Levi's thoughts begin racing with what feels like every worst case scenario. He feels Eren against him, and reassures himself everything is fine .. lights off, appliances unplugged, the door is locked. The door is definitely locked. He lets the calm wash over him .. a feeling rarely experienced before Eren and his compliance to Levi's oddities.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter focuses on feeling responsible for someone else's safety, which, while completely irrational, is a terrifying feeling. that's just how ocd works, my guys ..
> 
> this chapter once again focuses on the number three, so if that or the before mentioned content will trigger you, please don't read this!

Levi sits at his laptop typing as he surveys emails from clients, the tapping sounds of his keyboard lost to the rustling sounds of Eren donning his coat and scarf in the hallway.

"I'm just going to run to the store, we ran out of sugar! Is there anything you need?" Eren calls from the doorway.

"If you didn't insist of having your tea so sweet, we wouldn't run out half as fast," is Levi's quick reply.

Eren moves into the dining room where Levi is seated at the table and chuckles quietly, an exhalation of air, "Yeah, yeah .."

"We're running low on hand wash ... and we need dish soap," Levi gets out, he waits for a snarky reply picking at Levi's own habits but it never comes. It never does concerning these things. Eren just nods his head, now fully wrapped into his winter layers.

Levi bites his lip, heart racing at the thought of Eren leaving the house without him, if only to go to the street corner in the broad daylight.

He feels his fingers tapping out that well known rhythm onto the table top, _one two three_ , _one two three_ , _one two three_. Horrific images flash into his head and he closes his eyes, willing them away. _Stop, stop_.

His eyes open up in shock as he feels Eren's hands rest against his shoulders, Levi hadn't heard him approach. There's warm breath on his scalp as Eren rests his mouth at Levi's crown in a kiss. _One_.

Then Eren moves downward, face to face with Levi. His eyes are gentle, and his fingers hover by his face in wait of Levi's approval. "I haven't put on my shoes yet," Eren says in a near whisper.

Levi gives him a hesitant nod, assured that Eren's hands are relatively contamination free and his black hair is swept away from his face. Eren kisses his forehead. _Two_.

Finally he moves his lips over Levi's own, his final parting kiss quick but loving. _Three_.

"Be careful," Levi reminds him.

"I will." He always is.

And then Eren is gone, leaving Levi to his neatly filed inbox and a quiet apartment.

Levi repeats the words in his head one more time, _be careful_. A second time, _be careful_. And then a third, _be careful_. That's better ... Eren will be okay.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the amount of panic attacks i've had for this exact reason is ridiculous, save me 
> 
> the term "partner" is used because it seems more appropriate for a long term boyfriend at their age idk
> 
> this chapter involves description of a panic attack, if this will trigger you, please don't read on!

Levi runs around the bedroom, looking, searching.

It's not here, it's not here.

He blinks rapidly against the heat behind his eyes, tears well up and Levi wills them away. He can control his panic, he can. He takes deep breaths, but his heart won't stop racing, his lungs won't take in enough air.

Levi fumbles through his draws of belongings, trying but failing to be quiet so early in the morning. The curtains are still drawn to ensure Eren gets decent rest on his day off.

"Levi?" Eren's voice is husky and he clears his throat before rubbing his eyes. "What's wrong?"

Levi looks to his partner, still half asleep but body tense with worry for Levi.

He takes another deep breath, hoping his voice will come naturally as he says, "I can't find my hand sanitiser."

Eren sits up in bed, taking Levi's shaking hands in his own. Levi tries to pull away, he has to keep looking! But Eren is strong, Levi has been caught and he's not going anywhere.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," his voice is hushed and gentle, yet somehow never patronising.

"It's not okay, Eren! I'm going to be late for my meeting, I need to find it or I will be late," his words are rushed and clipped. He knows his tone is too harsh. Why must he always snap?

And yet Eren remains the same, still patient and steadying. "I promise, it's fine. We'll find it, right?"

"But I've looked everywhere!"

"Hmm .." Eren's lips are pressed together and his eyebrows draw in as he thinks. "Did you check your black jacket?"

Levi nods and chokes back a sob. What does Eren not understand about " _I've looked everywhere_ ".

"Well, then let me think a little more," Eren decides, still infuriatingly calm.

Levi nods again, mind clouded with anxiety. How is it possible for him to feel as if he were standing on the roof of a skyscraper, about to fall, yet in reality he's safe inside his apartment? His breaths are still rapid and nausea rises in his stomach.

Eren traces soothing patterns onto Levi's shivering hands, the tremor worse in times of panic. The brunet shuffles further off the bed until he's sitting directly in front of Levi. He catches his partner around the waist, turning him around and pulling him onto the bed between his legs. They sit, Levi's back to Eren's chest, and Levi closes his eyes as he rests back against him.

"You're okay, you're safe," Eren assures him. Levi tries to believe it.

His thoughts circle around and around, too rapid, he's thinking too much, yet in his haze he feels he can't think at all. He tries not to pay it any mind, Levi focuses on Eren's scent, calmed by his warmth and hushed words.

"When I breathe, you breathe," come Eren's instructions into Levi's ears. He follows them, taking in a shuddering breath as Eren's chest swells against his back. Then out again as the warm air from Eren's mouth brushes his ear.

His heart rate slows and his guts slowly unknot inside him. Eren must notice the difference in his body because Levi feels him shift himself away from his back and slide off the bed.

Still clasping onto Levi's hand, Eren leads them out of their bedroom and into the hallway. He makes a bee line towards the coats hung up by the door, Levi following soundlessly. Eren reaches into the pocket of his own dark green coat and rustles around, coming back empty handed. He frowns deeply before he switches over to the second pocket, grinning widely as he obviously finds what he was looking for.

Levi's throat feels like its closing up and he feels like a fool .. it wasn't in any of his drawers or on any surface in the house; it wasn't in either of Levi's coats. It was in _Eren's_.

"Yesterday, you dropped it in the street and refused to put it back in your own pocket, so I took it, remember?" Eren's smile is still in tact as he explains, like the sun pushing through the clouds on the darkest of days. A breath of fresh air.

Levi does remember, there was no way he was going to dirty the insides of his pockets with muddy puddle water. Eren, one hand still clutching at Levi's own, moves into the kitchen. He lets go only to rinse the small bottle of hand sanitiser under the tap at the kitchen sink. He cleans it with dish soap, once, twice, and then one more time. His movements are relaxed, and he hums a nameless song, as if its no trouble to him.

"Squeaky clean!", Eren comments in a sing-song voice, before drying it off on a hand towel. He comes to stand before Levi, placing it into the other man's suit pocket. "Better?"

Levi smiles, a private gesture only for Eren. His fingers tap on the bottle in his pocket, _one two three_ , _one two three_ , _one two three_. _Better_.

Eren leans in and places a kiss on his partner's head. "Good! What's the time looking like?"

Levi checks his watch, even after his panic, he has fifteen minutes to spare - he won't be late. Of course not, he's never late.

Eren lifts his hands, cold from just being washed. They're cooling on Levi's heated skin as Eren cradles his face and wipes away any remnants of tears with his thumbs.

"Thank you," Levi says, voice no longer shaking but heavy with guilt. He should have looked more thoroughly, he's made an idiot of himself in front of Eren. Again. "Sorry ..."

Eren scowls, nose scrunched up in distaste. "Never apologise. It's not your fault."

Levi's eyes slide to the floor but Eren raises his head up, their height difference apparent as Levi looks up at him.

Eren's eyes have a calming affect on Levi and he sighs deeply, his lungs feeling full once again. No longer struggling for air.

"You should get going," Eren suggests, voice firm. "Take care, okay?"

Levi nods and leans into a kiss, it's all chapped lips and Eren's morning stubble. _One_.

A kiss on Levi's nose, Eren's morning breath too close for comfort. _Two_.

Finally, Eren's lips rest on Levi's temple. _Three_.

Eren's smile is back, serious expression gone, "Love you."

"You too," it's almost a whisper that leaves Levi's lips.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that good ol' ocd guilt, amiright?
> 
> this chapter is the one that has the mention of trans man levi, it's barely there, so ignore it if you wish.

Levi stands at the sink and washes his face, the water cool against his skin. _Once_. _Twice_. _Thrice_.

He looks up into the mirror, his own tired eyes reflected before him. Two scars run across his chest, white and shiny; dark hair that's growing out too long to be comfortable. He feels his shoulders droop and he sighs.

Nothing special.

He pulls his eyes away from himself and turns off the bathroom light with his elbow, never hands. _Once_. Back on again. _Twice_. And then off again .. Yes, definitely off. _Three times_.

He stumbles into the bedroom in the low light and then there is Eren, laying in their bed. Beautiful and so alive, even at the end of the day - everything Levi is not.

He cannot see how he found himself with someone so ... so Eren.

Patient where Levi is too quick to snap; hectic and bright where Levi is monotonous, held together by routine; understanding with his gentle touch and bright eyes. Levi is not good enough, composed of and ruled by thoughts that never stop circling in his head; at times afraid of Eren's touch carrying possible germs but needlessly clingy to be sure of the brunet's constant safety; easily upset by small changes and breaks in his rigid patterns.

Levi's thoughts seem to get quicker at night, more rapid, like a white water river rushing by across the land with no end in sight - sleep rarely comes easy. He climbs into bed and long arms wrap around him, strong and secure. As he inhales Eren's scent, he feels himself relax.

"Did you take your meds?" Comes the sleepy question spoken against the skin of his neck.

His fingers find tangled and still damp hair, brushing through the tresses with familiarity.

"Hmnnf," is his reply. Always eloquent.

Eren places a kiss to his collar bone, "I'm glad .. I love you."

And while Levi doesn't understand why, he sees that _yes_ , Eren does love him. He isn't about to let that go, he will accept what he is given, even if he truly believes he doesn't quite deserve it. He kisses Eren's head where it rests on his chest, and in that kiss he tries to let Eren know the depth of his adoration, his own way of saying "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for making it through this! i hope you enjoyed it! i love these two so much .. gosh.


End file.
